Don’t give up because of me
those ugly things I said
loving yourself is the only way through it
Do the best you can every day
what more is there to do?
The further I get from myself I say unreal things.
Oct 9th 2015
For every man I’ve ever loved I’ve never been enough
or I’ve been too much.
Too emotional
passionate
intense
deep
kind
loving
honest
communicable
clean too much
and curse when I feel like it.
According to them I also haven’t been enough.
Not enough sex
wouldn’t do drugs
wont watch porno
and not spiritual enough.
I now realize I’ll never be enough for a human man.
I’ll always be too much for him.
God is only one who’ll ever love me, cherish me & accept me
right now as I AM.
I refuse to change to suit a human man.
I accept me now as I AM.
November 8th 2015
I hate to admit it out loud but the truth of life is that friends come and friendships go. The only one true constant is ourselves. Therefore it seems to me that being my own best friend is of paramount importance. Not saying I’m always good at it but I try. Unless of course I’m going through what I currently am and that is a touch of despondency. My youngest child is growing up and the trip she is on presently with her narcissistic psychopathic father stirs up feelings of loneliness in me which leads me to eating dark chocolate, watching Netflix and staying up far past a healthy bedtime. One can’t always be perfect now can we?!
I miss her and I feel emotional pondering upon her never returning home so I can witness her growing into a woman, enjoying her life beside me and the ever present guidance of me, her mama bear. For you see, whenever she goes with him I worry she shall never return. Perhaps a car wreck, a plane crash, she’ll be kidnapped, sexually abused, murdered or otherwise harmed in some wretched way that I won’t be able to bask in the glory of her spirit anymore.
Her father is the bane of my existence upon many an occasion and it vexes me that I have to share this beautiful creature with him, the narcissist, the often abusive utterly self focused fool who I doubt has come to his senses realizing who our precious child truly is! A radiant love light deserving of his true presence and unconditional love. Not that I’m perfect in that regards yet I feel I see her and appreciate her far beyond what he’s currently capable of. Since almost everything is about him, him, HIM!
I hate that friendships come and go! I like to be the one that keeps or ends friendships far better than people walking away from me that’s for sure! I realize people outgrow one another, yet it doesn’t ease the pain much. The abrupt and scrappy endings of relationships hurt and splinter the heart that is for sure. Life ain’t for sissies that’s real enough. I aim to teach my daughter that being her own best friend is where it’s at in life. If I’m my own best friend, or at least aim to be often, I will be far happier treating myself well, over living a fantasy of another treating me how I want to be treated. For humans with all of our frailties and unloving ways will often fall short of true friendship. Begin with ourselves, begin now, for it is later than you think and none of us are given an unlimited amount of time here upon this glorious Earth Mother.
You can never go wrong by treating yourself to self love, to kindness, gentleness and beauty.
Love is never wrong.
Love your neighbor as yourself, means ultimately to love yourself then you can love others. Love others as I have loved you.
How can you love yourself this moment and cherish yourself being your own best friend?
goes on endlessly until my physical body ceases to be. Did I really sign up for this?
loveilluminates 